ME: Whiskey and Bourbon
by Banbha
Summary: Tough, tenacious, and partly crazy, that is what people say of Jesse Shepard. But she is the soldier you need when the going gets tough. Kaidan was lucky (or unlucky) enough to have met her before the Normandy. But at best, they had a contentious relationship. Now, can he get to know Jesse again and try to regain her confidence and respect? Or will she push him away again?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Whiskey and Bourbon  
Author: CelticWolfwalker  
Game: Mass Effect  
characters/pairing: f!Shep/Kaidan  
Disclaimer: All ME references belong to Bioware. The author is taking some liberty with certain things regarding the story of Shepard and Kaidan. And that this author is also nuts for taking on another story at this time! (blame ME and starting up a new femShep)

Chapter 01

**1**

"_Jess, time to wake up, sleepy head." Her father shook her shoulder, trying to wake up the five-year old girl to get ready for the first day of school._

"_I'm awake. Do I have to go?" she pouted._

"_Why don't you want to go? It's your first day of school!" John Shepard sat at the edge of her bed and pulled away the blankets from his little daughter._

"_It will be scary! I won't know anyone and the teacher will hate me!"_

_John Shepard chuckled and looked into the doe brown eyes of the girl. "No one else will know anyone either. The teacher will love you, when she gets to know you. How could she not?" He chucked her small chin with his fist. _

"_Brandon said…" Jess said._

"_Don't listen to what Brandon Churchill told you. He is scared too, but is trying to pretend that he is not. So, are you going to get up and get ready?"_

"_If I don't like it, will you take me home?"_

"_I promise I will take you home." John Shepard smiled at his pretentious daughter._

Jesse woke up with a start in the darkened room, sitting upright and looking off into space for a moment before the rest of her caught up. Rubbing at her eyes, she tried to grab at the quickly fading dream of her father. The tinkle of the dog tags against her bare chest cemented the reality of the present and chased away any remaining sleep she might have gotten.

"Dammit!" she cursed quietly into the room.

"Jess?" A sleepy mumble came from the man blindly reaching for her in the bed.

"Go back to sleep, Sean." She slipped out of bed and padded with her bare feet to the bathroom of the small hotel room on Earth. Today was the day. Today she was to take up the position of Executive Officer of the newly commissioned ship the _SSV Normandy_. This day her shore leave was over and it was off to another assignment. The lights came on as she walked into the bathroom and over to the sink. Turning on the cold water, Jesse splashed it onto her face and ran some through the short brown curls. Looking up into the mirror, she frowned at the reflection, with its reminders of what it took to get where she was today.

The pale scar down her right cheek and the little one at the corner of her lips was a testament to the sacrifices she had made in her career in the Alliance. The scars on her shoulders were another matter and were far older. The only connection from her life before the Alliance was the man lying in her bed at this moment. He, too, survived leaving the Reds and managed to do something with his life. Sean reinvented himself, put himself through school, worked hard at a local hotel that tailored to rich clients, to rise through the ranks and become one of the executives. No one thought he could do it but he was a smooth charmer that had impeccable people skills. That was why in the Reds, they sent Sean to speak to the roaming police patrols and bribe them to look away whenever they did something. Of course, when his charm didn't work on her, he started to actively hound Jesse and got to know what made the woman tick.

Sighing again, Jesse shut the water off and shook the droplets from her hands. She felt hands slide around her waist and pull her against a warm and awakening body behind her. As she looked up to the mirror to see the sleepy and aroused look of a fair-haired and clean cut man, she smiled.

He leaned down and kissed the top of her shoulder. "Come on back to bed, Jess. You don't have to report in for another five hours."

"I'm not tired anymore, Sean."

"Who said anything about sleeping?" He gave her a lascivious grin and proceeded to nibble at her ear and let his hands roam down to between her thighs.

++N7++

The view of Earth below her was breathtaking. It still astounded her every time Jesse left Earth for another assignment to another planet. Now, she was watching humankind's home roll under her as the shuttle approached the space station the _Normandy_ was waiting. There was quite a bit of traffic from earthbound shuttles, to freighters and Alliance Navy ships. Once the shuttle docked and the pressure of the hatch released, she stood up from her seat and gathered her duffle bag. The rest of her things, such as her armor and Special Forces issue weapons, were shipped two days prior to her next assignment.

As soon as she stepped off the shuttle and onto the station, the noise of many people meeting up with others or leaving for other destinations assaulted her ears. Her eyes roamed the area, trying to see if someone from the _Normandy_ had sent someone to meet her. If they didn't, that was fine. She was a big girl from a big city and could find her way easily to her new ship. Hefting her bag, she started for the main concourse into the station when she heard her name called out.

"SHEPARD! COMMANDER SHEPARD?" A man stood amongst the throng of coming and going passengers, looking for an officer that answered his call.

Jesse stood a minute and assessed the officer calling for her in the crowd, wondering if he was aware that he was searching for a "she" and not a "he," as most were confused when they hear "Jesse". He was tall, olive skin tone, quite well proportioned and toned, Jesse admired. The full lips were set into a finely square face and strong chin, along with a fine straight nose. "Well, damn." Jesse's lips quirked as she already approved of the officers of the Normandy if other lieutenants looked like that one that was calling for her.

The lieutenant stood stiffly in frustration, waiting for the rush of people to thin. When they did, his eyes traveled across the way and spotted her. Their eyes met and Jesse's smile dimmed a little. Now that she got a better look at him, she recognized him. Kaidan. The frown on his face said everything as he recognized her and walked up to her.

"Well, Jesse, I didn't think that I would be picking you up from the shuttle." His soft and sexy raspy voice still made her shiver with pleasure.

"Is there any other Lieutenant Commander Jesse Shepard's in the Alliance?"

"Maybe. I was hoping that it was you, actually."

"What?" Jesse's eyes widened at Kaidan's admission. "After the way we last…"

"Even despite that." Kaidan nodded and reached for her duffle. She was about to protest but the determined look in his eyes snapped her mouth shut.

"I guess you got the short straw to come out and pick up the new XO." Jesse said lightly, trying to lighting the serious look on Kaidan's face.

"Actually, I volunteered." Kaidan stated as he led them down the long concourse toward the Alliance reserved berths.

"Huh." Jesse grunted. They walked in silence for a bit, each lost in their own thoughts. Her eyes would stray to look at Kaidan matching her long strides, carrying her bulky duffle with ease. He still looked good, even after all these years since their time in OTS. Her eyes strayed further down to where the uniform hugged around his rear. As she looked up, Jesse noticed his eyes looking at her from the side, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. _Oh, man, this is going to be a long assignment. No touching this one, Jess. He is your subordinate now._ She sighed in resignation.

They walked into an elevator car, turning their back on the glass sides that overlooked the panoramic view of Earth and the ship traffic. Kaidan set her duffle down and faced forward, remaining the perfect officer that he was trained as. Jess leaned back on the glass wall, however, chewing at her lower lip. Even after ten years since OTS, there still was that palpable feeling between them. Of course, they left on rough terms and hadn't spoken in that long time, with her going on with her career, becoming famous (or infamous) with the fiasco at Akuze. Akuze was over a year ago and she still ground her teeth in grief for her lost squadron.

"I'm sorry to hear about Akuze." Kaidan broke the silence first, as the elevator traveled at its sedate pace up to where the Alliance docked their ships.

"Yeah, me too." Jesse cleared her throat.

He turned to her and gave her an unreadable look. "If you want to talk about it…"

"No, I don't." Jesse pressed her lips together in annoyance.

"Damn stubborn woman." Kaidan muttered under his breath and turned away.

The elevator slowed and finally the doors dinged open. Kaidan picked up her duffle and waited for her to get out first, following on her heels. He then turned to the left and led the way to where the Normandy was docked. As they approached the dock, Jesse took in the sleek form of the _SSV Normandy SR1_. She gave an appreciative whistle for the clean pleasant lines, approving of the hybrid Turian and Human construction.

Kaidan quirked a smile as he looked on the ship. "I gave the same reaction when I first saw her."

"She's a beauty! I read some of the specs on the long flight up from Vancouver but it doesn't do justice to seeing the real thing."

"Wait until you see inside." Another voice joined them, a dry and deep tone.

Jesse snapped to and turned to snap a salute to Admiral Steven Hackett, 5th Fleet's Commander. Kaidan followed with a salute of his own, receiving recognition in return from the scarred veteran officer. "I can't imagine how many revisions were done to mesh both technologies together, sir."

"There were a few revisions, I admit." He smiled. "In the end, we accomplished what has never been done before. Commander, welcome to the Normandy."

"Thank you, sir. I will serve her well." Jesse smiled a rare shy smile.

"I'm sure you will, Commander. If your record speaks well for you, I have no doubt you will do the ship justice."

"I was surprised that Captain Anderson requested me personally for an XO." Jesse said truthfully.

"You came highly recommended, by me, Anderson, and I will admit, Lieutenant Alenko."

Jesse's eyes widened at this and she spared a glance toward Kaidan. He wouldn't look at her and proceeded to rub at the back of his neck. Why would he recommend her? They said some rather hurtful and angry things to each other before their first assignments. And she really did say some horrendous things, but at the time, she was drunk and upset after having received a little visit from the past. Kaidan had tried to get her to talk but she shut him out. He got angry with her and tried to handle her when she was running hot in her temper. It was the wrong move and Jesse decked him hard. She felt horrible for what happened afterwards, when she sobered. By then, it was too late, as he had left for his first assignment.

"And just what role does Lieutenant Alenko hold on the Normandy?" Jesse asked brashly.

Hackett coughed a laugh and cleared his throat. "He is your Marine CO and ship's 2nd officer."

Well, she thought, which means that there was going to be quite a bit of time together, going over briefings and reports. She silently sighed, not knowing whether she dreaded or looked forward to that working relationship. If he was trying to let the past rest between them, then she would too. Nothing more needed to be said about that time. Admiral Hackett led the officers aboard the ship and gave Jesse a personal tour of the frigate. Kaidan disappeared with her duffle, she didn't see him again until she and Hackett came back to CIC.

Jesse walked the admiral to the docking ramp, seeing him off with his words about the ship and crew echoing in her head after he was gone. Captain Anderson was due to arrive back from a meeting in an hour's time and she had time to go and familiarize herself with the _Normandy_ on her own.

**2**

When he saw her through the thinning crowd of the concourse, his heart stopped for a moment. Jesse Shepard, impish, beautiful, absolutely frustrating, and the most damnably stubborn woman he had met in his life. While she did the right thing, Jesse had a wicked streak in her. He guessed that was why he was drawn to her since their time in OTS. Then things got heated, as she was drunk, something was bothering her, but Jesse wouldn't talk. Heh, much as he thought on what happened, he should have known that should have been familiar, as that was him regarding talking about Brain Camp. However, he had pushed her too far and got hit for it. Kaidan was pissed that she gave him the right hook but when a cooler head prevailed and he looked back on that last time with her, he grudgingly admitted he deserved that punch.

Jesse Shepard was no wallflower. She was tough and tenacious, as would be expected of someone growing up on the rough streets of DC-Baltimore. Unlike Rahna, Jesse was more than capable of taking care of herself, needing no one to protect her. It was his nature, however, to want someone to protect. They had a good time hanging out together in OTS, often going out to watch live boxing fights or grab a jazz concert. For a street rat, Jesse had some sophisticated tastes among her rougher enjoyments for a good fight, drink, and a good cigar. Kaidan didn't know what to expect from her from one minute to the next and he loved it. Life wasn't dull with her. He regretted not seeking her out over the years and apologizing for pushing her when she didn't want to talk.

Maybe things will be different now. Kaidan caught her checking him out and smirked at that. Of course, he checked her out too, from the long legs to the slight generous curve of her hips and slim waist, and upwards to that luscious mouth. He had forgotten what it was like to touch Jesse. But now, he wouldn't think of doing so. Not because he didn't desire it, for he was strongly attracted to Jesse Shepard, but because of regulations. She was his superior officer now.

_There are so many innuendos and jokes about that._ Kaidan thought. They weren't kids any longer but grown adults. The stuff they did in OTS wouldn't fly now. No, they couldn't play hard and fast with regulations anymore. _But if no one knows_—Kaidan shook his head, nixing that line of thought. Someone would find out. It eventually happens, even if you are careful. Was he willing to risk his career to pursue something with Jesse? Another question, was he willing to risk HER career? The answer to both was _No_.

For all Kaidan knew, Jesse may be a different person now, like different things, or actually grew up to where she didn't take stupid risks anymore. Whom was he fooling? Jesse was a Vanguard, and Vanguards were partly crazy to go toe-to-toe, with biotics flaring, and guns blazing into battle. They were the shock troops of the Alliance. Kaidan plays it safe being a Sentinel. Especially since he killed that turian bastard at BAaT.

His head snapped around when he heard a throat clearing by his side. Looking up and at his side, he saw Jesse standing there, a half-smirk on her face that he remembered all too well. "Yeah, Shepard?"

"So what does one do to get coffee around here?"

"Strong and dark?" Kaidan hazarded a guess she still liked her coffee that way.

"Just as I like my men." Her lips spread into a wider smirk.

Kaidan felt heat rising up from his collar at her comment and moved toward the ad hoc galley. He searched the cabinet for the coffee and tore open the package, placing it into the machine and pressing a button to brew. "Gotten to know your way around the _Normandy_ yet?"

"Yup. I can find where things are without being turned around. But then, I was always good at finding my way around things." She leaned by Kaidan and reached for a mug with the _Normandy's_ name stenciled on it. The waft of her perfume sent a spike of heat through him. That warm spicy smell of sandalwood always had a way to undo his self-control.

"You never had a problem with that." Kaidan cleared his throat and held out his hand to take Jesse's cup, pouring the coffee into it for her. Instead of letting go of the mug as she reached for it, he pulled it away, making her reach toward him. He was aware of his surroundings and knew no one was on deck. She closed in on him, her long fingers grabbing around the mug, brushing across his hand. The static between them sparked pleasantly.

Jesse's breath hitched at their closeness, biting her lower lip as she tried to regain control of herself. Kaidan gave her a small smirk, knowing he still had that affect on her. "What are you playing at, Alenko?" she said quietly, breathlessly.

"Nothing." He rasped back.

"Then don't go down this road if you don't want to live dangerously."

"What? Are you scared?" His eyes challenged Jesse, whiskey brown meeting the lighter brown of her eyes.

"Just looking out for you…Lieutenant." Jesse met his challenge.

"I'm a big boy, ma'am. I can look out for myself." He raised a hand to her chin and brushed his thumb across her full mouth. "Your coffee is getting cold, Commander." With that, he let go of her coffee and stepped away.

"Bastard." She muttered as Kaidan walked away from her. Kaidan smiled to himself knowing that what he initiated was going to make the time on the _Normandy_ a hard and uncomfortable time for him and Jesse. He wasn't exactly sure why he laid down the challenge to her but then Jesse had a way of pushing at him, challenging him but always on her terms. Now, she had to follow regulations as a senior officer and this gave a little thrill to Kaidan, as he wanted to see how many hints, teases, and subtle torments he could give before this game was put to a stop.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Whiskey and Bourbon  
Author: CelticWolfwalker  
Game: Mass Effect  
characters/pairing: f!Shep/Kaidan  
Disclaimer: All ME references belong to Bioware. The author is taking some liberty with certain things regarding the story of Shepard and Kaidan. And that this author is nuts for taking on another story at this time! (blame ME and starting up a new femShep)

**Chapter 02**

**1**

The tactical screen flashed before him as numerous numbers and status reports flashed by. It still amazed him that he was assigned to this incredible ship with what was shaping up to be a top-notch crew. Even with Jesse as second-in-command. A small smile flitted across his face as he thought about yesterday when he picked her up and brought her onboard. The stunt he pulled at the coffee pot put her on her toes and when she thought he wasn't looking, Kaidan saw the puzzled look on her face. It didn't last long as the command mask slid over it quickly as some other officer of the ship came up with a data pad requiring her signature. He could tell that the paperwork was aggravating her. She never did like filing reports, even after making squad leader at Officer Training School. Some things haven't changed. He shook his head and let his hands fly over the control panel, checking the _Normandy's_ tactical systems.

"What are you laughing at over there?" Joker asked.

"Nothing really. Just remembering some things from my time at Officer Training School."

"Rumor has it that you knew Shepard from there. Is it true?"

"Yeah. I don't know how much has changed since then but there are still some things that haven't with her."

"Like what? Do tell!" Joker looked over to Kaidan with an eager grin.

Since joining the Normandy, Kaidan made fast friends with the snarky pilot. No one would think that the quiet Marine and the joker of the ship would get along so well. Then, they also said that he would never get along with the crazy and lascivious Shepard either. But sometimes, opposites attract and those differences can be what brought people together for the better of each person. At least, Kaidan would like to think so.

"What I will say now, life is never boring with Shepard around." Kaidan opted for a safe course, not wanting to get Jesse's temper on him again.

"Aww, come on, man!" Joker grunted when he turned back to his panel. "Does she drink? Does she like kittens? Give details!"

"It would be safer and wiser that you ask her those things. She hates rumors going around about her, I will tell you that."

"If you boys are done chatting, I suggest you start prelaunch procedures." Jesse said behind them.

Kaidan grinned and turned his attention back to his panel, Joker doing the same. The pilot wasn't phased one bit that she had walked quietly upon them as they were talking. "We got our time table?" Kaidan asked her.

"The captain just handed it down. We are waiting for a Turian guest and once he's aboard, it's time to launch this baby."

"About damn time!" Joker said happily. "This gal needs to spread her wings."

"Whoa, cowboy, she will get her chance to fly!" Jesse laughed.

"Hey, I've been sitting here for a week now, running calibrations, playing simulations, and whatever boring little task comes into my head to get the Normandy ready. I'm ready to feel something other than a docking clamp under my feet." Joker told her.

"He's been driving the techs nuts chasing after phantom sensor ghosts." Kaidan supplied.

"It's my little idea of fun to ease the boredom." Joker grinned.

"That's sadistic. Ingenious but sadistic." Jesse chuckled at Joker.

"I have to entertain myself somehow, especially when half the techs onboard are green. Try sending them on a trip to find fallopian tubing!"

Jesse laughed, in which Kaidan joined in. They all had been on the receiving end of fresh recruit pranks from senior cadets. To be able to do that in return, kept the tradition of breaking in new soldiers alive and passed on for more generations to take up. Kaidan tapped the final test sequence on his panel and stretched his arms up, hearing the low cracks in his lower back resettle into its normal position. If only he had someone to work out those kinks in his back. His eyes travelled up to Jesse and she met his look, knowing what he was thinking. A slow smirk touched the corner of his mouth. Joker unobtrusively watched the little quiet interplay between XO and second officer.

"I'll leave you to your 'ghosts', Joker." Jesse said and turned around to head back to CIC.

"I would love to be the fly on the wall in you two's thoughts." Joker commented to Kaidan.

"Why's that?"

"Somehow, I think there was more to you two than just OTS squadies."

"Anyone ever tell you it is impolite to pry?" Kaidan said dryly.

"All the time but I still do. Remember….entertainment." Joker grinned.

"Uh huh." Kaidan got the feeling it was more than entertainment to Joker, It was just that the man was nosey and lived vicariously through others what he normally can't do.

**2**

Okay, wow, she was being considered for Spectre status! Jesse couldn't wrap her head around that the true reason for Nihlus being aboard the Normandy was to observe her in action. Yeah, sure, she was a decorated combat veteran, she has survived a thresher maw attack on her post in Akuze, but are these really things to be considered to become part of the most elite special force unit in the galaxy? She was a soldier, plain and simple. One who loved to fight, drink, and have a few good men. Jesse chuckled to herself at that as her hands hit the punching bag in the ship's gym. Rumors had her as an insatiable and wanton woman back at the Academy, a wild one to go have a good time. Jesse did nothing to dissuade this. Why bother? They were all going to be graduated, off to their assignments and then supposed rumor would dissipate with that class.

Only two men got inside her tough exterior. One from the past who had seen her escape the life of the streets, the other…the other was currently serving aboard the very ship she was second in command of. Even then, Kaidan didn't know everything, for there were things she even kept from him. Like how the scars on her shoulders came to be.

She could remember clearly that night he had first seen those scars.

_Jesse pulled him to her mouth kissing hungrily and grinning as he tried to tear her shirt off. Kaidan growled in frustration and went to work at the belt of her pants, tugging it open and pulling the belt from her waist. Her hips pressed into his as he did so, moaning and biting Kaidan's lower lip in the process. They both had drunk a little too much, but the impenetrable wall Kaidan kept up was finally down and Jesse saw the man behind it. It was a shock and pleasant surprise when he made the first move, grabbing her face and kissing her deeply as he dropped Jesse off at her dorm room. Kaidan was a very good kisser, plying enough force to get his way but melting into her lips sensuously. This was no mild mannered man. He knew what he wanted and it was she. This turned Jesse on more than anything did and she responded readily, which surprised her._

_They played around and teased but Jesse never thought that all that pent up teasing would come to fruition. She moaned as Kaidan's biotics rippled over her skin as he slipped her pants over the hips. Damn, he was incredibly sexy! They didn't need to talk about the past, each having their own histories they wished to forget. So, hence the play, the innuendos, and the competiveness between them at squad events. Tonight brought all of that to a head as they gone for drinks and a fight. _

_Kaidan slid his hands under her buttocks and lifted her to his waist, his mouth devouring hers, then her chin and down her throat. He bumped them into her desk and rested her there. With her pants already off, her panties was all that was left between them, next to his hastily opened pants. Sliding her hand into them, Jesse pressed against the hardness that jumped and pulsed under her fingers. Kaidan reciprocated as his fingers pressed the hotness between her thighs. She moaned hard, hand grasping firmly in response. Kaidan grabbed at the thin panties and pulled, tearing the fabric and tossing it aside._

_He moved his mouth along her jaw toward her ear, his breath hot and heavy. "I want you." He rasped. _

"_Then take me." Jesse moaned as she quickly pulled down Kaidan's pants and underpants down to his thighs. He dug his hands into her hips as his hardness released from its confines, then moved in toward Jesse, filling her up steadily. He moved one hand into her hair, grasping it at the scalp, moving Jesse's head to nip and kiss at her neck and throat while moving in her with deep measured strokes._

_That only lasted for a few minutes before they started to shake the desk violently, having it bang loudly against the wall. Kaidan grasped Jesse's hips picked her up and walked them to her bed. Throwing her on the bed, he shimmied out of the rest of his clothing. As he reached for Jesse again, she surprised him by grasping him and rolling Kaidan onto his back, her body settling over his glistening manhood. Jesse settled her hips on Kaidan, grinning as the man moaned and fingers flexed deeply into her hips. She whimpered in surprise as Kaidan bucked up into her. _

_The night was spent that way with sometimes-soft lovemaking or rough and tumble sex. When their bodies were exhausted that they quivered trying to sit up or roll over, they contented themselves to just lying in Jesse's bed. She was lying on her stomach next to Kaidan smiling as she enjoyed the euphoric afterglow of sex. The man had fulfilled her in so many ways that Jesse would definitely invite Kaidan into her bed again. His finger softly and idly caressed at her back, tracing the criss-cross lines that marked her smooth skin. That was one rule they never crossed with each other—asking about the past. Then, Kaidan did._

"_How did you get these?" He asked softly._

"_Uh uh, that is a subject not to be touched, Alenko."_

"_I know our rules but don't you think something has changed between us that some small piece of our lives can be given?"_

_She couldn't work up the energy to be angry with Kaidan for daring to ask. Instead, she turned her head so her eyes could look up at him. "I got these when I was fourteen. Let's say it is a reminder of what trusting the wrong people can do."_

"_Do you trust me?" His whiskey brown eyes bored into her sincerely._

_Jesse blinked at the question and answered him truthfully. "Yes."_

_Kaidan gave her his trademark half-smile and leaned down, his lips pressing softly between her shoulders. Jesse shivered at the touch, as it was sensual and loving at the same time. Never had a man paid this much special attention to her scars, which Jesse had to fight the instinct in wanting to punch Kaidan. Then his fingers tingled with dark energy, adding to the path of kisses across her scars, that Jesse let out a small whimper and shiver from the feelings it was eliciting._

Letting out another jab to the bag, Jesse grunted. That was a special night for her, to which she never told Kaidan how special. She may have not discussed how she got the mess of lines on her back, but she had let herself go with him, let the man inside the barrier she always had up. There wasn't another night like that because then someone from her past decided to rear his ugly head and make her life hell while she was at OTC.

Her hand flared up as she let out a powerful jab, making the heavy bag swing widely. Strong hands and the appearance of a sultry and smoky man caught the bag. Kaidan was like whiskey, smooth with age and a delicious smoke flavor that warmed and pleasured you as it went down. Once it hit bottom, that warmth exploded and tingled throughout the body.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Jesse asked, shaking her hands loose, deciding she was done sparring.

"Lieutenant, is it?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

"We are serving on the same ship and I am your superior officer."

"Are you always on duty?" He tilted his head to the side.

"When am I not?" Jesse gave Kaidan a look and brushed by him, heading for the locker area. Kaidan reached out and grabbed her arm, making Jesse turn suddenly with a fist. A loud smack was heard as Kaidan caught her fist in his other hand. "Why are you here?" Jesse said quietly, her breathing coming in fast as Kaidan held her fast.

"A couple of things. First, we have reports to go over regarding the start of the maiden flight. Along with my report regarding the Marine detachment."

"And two?"

"I wanted to see you." He dropped his voice to that timbre that made Jesse weak in the knees.

"You can see me when we go over status reports, Alenko."

"True, but then there would be other people around." He pulled Jesse closer to him to where she could feel the heat coming off his body. "I wanted to see you personally."

"I think we gone past that part already, Alenko. After all, we left on rather heated terms."

His mouth moved closer to her cheek as he lowered his voice. "I remember one night of heated terms that didn't involve fists."

She shivered at Kaidan's low, quiet, intimate tone. The kind he used to verbally seduce her in the past, when they were in public and couldn't risk open signs of affection. However, he was doing this deliberately, to weaken her, to keep her off-balance. This wasn't going to happen! Jesse firmed her jaw as she looked back at Kaidan, his face stoic but his eyes twinkled with mirth.

"Listen closely, Lieutenant, if you are trying to sweet talk your way back into my good graces, you better stop. We are both career officers here and I am a superior officer. You, of all people, know the regulations against fraternization." Jess carefully extricated her arms from Kaidan's grip.

"And you used to not give a shit about it before." Kaidan's voice hardened.

"We were kids! Right now, there is too much at stake. You want to know why Nihlus is onboard for this harmless maiden voyage?"

"He is part of the Council races and a Spectre. I expect no less than having a representative come and watch the launch of this cooperative effort between our species."

"That is part of the reason. I'm being observed as a candidate for the Spectres."

Kaidan's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Yeah, that does make sense."

"So, I can't mess this up. Anderson is counting on me." Jesse looked to see if Kaidan understood. One thing Kaidan wasn't, was stupid. He was diplomatic, knowing how the political game was played.

"Okay, I'll let up on the game—for now."

She shook her head and laughed softly. "You really haven't changed."

"In some things, no. Okay, Shepard, truce." He held out his hand toward her and gave a smile.

Jesse narrowed her eyes at him, trying to read that smile. It was all too easy for him to suddenly let go of this new game of his. She took his hand, grasped her fingers around his. Kaidan held her hand for a while, his thumb going to brush over her pulse point, which was a node point for the biotic implants. There was a shot of erotic pleasure as he sent a tiny flicker of dark energy through her. Stepping into Jesse, Kaidan whispered into her ear.

"That is just a parting reminder, Jess."

**3**

The howling of the wind outside as the open cargo deck yawned open to the sight of a burning Eden Prime filled Kaidan with some trepidation. Jenkins, normally a talkative young man, looked on in silence at the destruction of his home. It couldn't be easy to see your home destroyed, knowing that people you saw everyday as you grew up, were lying dead somewhere. Who had done such destruction on this colony? This was senseless!

"Move out!" Jesse called to her squad.

Jenkins dropped off the ramp to the group below, raising his rifle up to his cheek and sighting around the landing zone. He called out the all clear and Kaidan followed shortly behind Jenkins, with Jesse following him. They landed right at the top of one of the bluffs near the archaeological dig that held the Prothean beacon. He looked to Jesse and saw the veteran soldier in full-mode. Kaidan had seen some combat but not the extent she did. He was always the tech in the squad, setting enemies weapons to jam up or explode from sabotage, or one of the few biotics that lent his warps and throws out to clusters of the enemy on the field. However, he never used the full extent of the power available to him. After Vyrnnus, Kaidan couldn't bring himself to kill with biotics again. He lost his control and temper that day when he kicked the Turian into a wall, breaking his neck. It was bad enough, being one of the few registered stable L2s in the Alliance set him apart, he didn't want to add to the stigma by going into a killing frenzy. That was one thing he hadn't told Jesse about but she would know soon enough.

They made their way further down from the bluff and toward where the dig site was located. Floating creatures hovered around a small pond, the insides gurgling and making noise like something fueling up for takeoff. Jenkins told them they were called gasbags and that they were harmless. He gave a warning not to go firing crazily around them, as they tended to explode because they were flammable. Kaidan noted that and kept a look out for other floating gasbags around them. Jesse held up her arm as they reached the top of the rise to a path leading down to a valley. He wondered what she heard because her face got that intense look of listening. Being cautious, she motion Jenkins to take point and for Kaidan to take his right flank. Trusting Jesse's intuition, Kaidan held up his pistol at the ready, thumbing the safety off the internal heat sink. However, they were still taken by surprise as a drone came flying from cover and started to fire immediately, catching Jenkins unprepared. Jesse ran to cover behind a jagged rock, while he took cover behind a low stand of boulders.

His fingers quickly inputted a quick action code to send an overload signal to the drones. One of the three wavered and then exploded into little shards while the other two flew around, attempting to gain a lock on him and Jesse. Jesse's body shimmered brightly as Kaidan saw a barrier form around her and she readied her heavy pistol. Standing up, her left hand glowed with power gathering and then she unleashed it at one drone, swinging her pistol to the other and firing quick single shots. Kaidan helped to bring down the drones shielding as her rounds dealt a fiery death on them.

After the quick skirmish, he walked over to the still form of Jenkins and squatted next to the young corporal. Flipping on his omnitool, Kaidan shook his head to see the life signs a flatline for the young soldier. Closing his open eyes, Kaidan sighed and shook his head. He felt Jesse's presence next to him, rather than seeing her. "At least he got what he wanted."

"Don't worry, Kaidan, once we are done with the mission objective, we will give the corporal a proper funeral." Jesse said somberly. "I need you to remain focused first."

Kaidan ground his teeth at Jesse's focus on the mission goal instead of giving a moment of peace for one of their fallen soldiers. Standing up, he looked at her, mouth hard and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

Jesse looked at him intently for a moment and turned away, forging the way forward to the next waypoint. Kaidan gave one last glance at Jenkins and silently promised the corporal they would be back to retrieve him. Gripping his pistol, Kaidan flanked Jesse, vigilant to any other drones that may show up.

**4**

The last shot echoed off the canyon walls and disgruntled electric chirp died down after the firefight. Jesse and Kaidan looked over the area once more and then went over to the soldier who was picking themselves off the ground.

"Chief Petty Officer Ashley Williams, Commander. Am I glad you came along when you did!" The Chief saluted Jesse and Kaidan.

"At ease, Chief. What happened here?" Jesse asked.

"The Geth, ma'am. They swarmed the colony, killed my battalion as we tried to save the scientists and their families." Ashley huffed and looked around at the smoke blackening the skies from various strikes from the Geth.

"The Geth? They haven't been seen in over two hundred years!" Kaidan exclaimed. "I wonder what could have brought them across the Veil?"

"I don't know." Jessed chewed at her lip, eyes narrowing at the slain forms of the the Geth bodies. They were reminiscent of Quarians with the three fingered hands and two-toed feet. Even the head had the stylized shape of the signature environmental suit hoods. "Chief, where is the beacon the scientists had found?"

"It's down the canyon, half a click away, Commander."

"Please join us and help out with any stragglers. I think we are running short of time."

"Aye, ma'am!" Ashley fell in next to Kaidan on Jesse's flank. They carefully moved out, scanning the area for the enemy.

Jesse had a sinking feeling in her stomach as they travelled down the canyon to the dig site. Whatever they came to find, it might not be there. When her gut instinct started screaming at her, Jesse knew not to ignore it for it had saved her life many times throughout her life.

**5**

There comes a point in one's life where promises made to oneself had to be broken. This was that time as Kaidan looked on the horror of what were either the colonists or scientists, transformed, and coming after them with hostile intent. They were organic but not sentient. Opening his nodes fully, Kaidan swallowed the wave of nausea at the influx of power that flowed readily to him. The look Jesse had given him when she asked if he had a problem shook him. She was a combat veteran and they were facing a hostile threat. These things that once were people meant them harm and thus, to her, they needed to be dealt with. He shook his head and readied himself to throw the first running husk away.

They were tough and Kaidan was sweating at the exertion of using the full extent of his power. One husk had gotten close and was starting to spark dangerously. With a grimace, Kaidan forced raw dark energy out from his body to throw the husk away from him. Sweat dripped down into his eyes and tickled its way down his neck and spine inside his armor. With the last of the husks finally incapacitated, Kaidan wiped at his face with the back of his glove.

Then she was in his face, a deep scowl etched around her eyes and mouth. "What the hell was that, Alenko?" She growled.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't think I couldn't tell you weren't putting your full energy into those earlier biotic displays and now, when finally you open your nodes up fully. Are you trying to fry yourself, Lieutenant?" Jesse's eyes blazed at him, the lighter brown from his deeper brown dilating with her anger.

"We shouldn't have this discussion with others around, Commander." He gritted his teeth.

Jesse looked over to Ashley, who quickly turned her back and started to do a patrol of the area, quickly getting out of earshot. Then she grasped his arm with a hard grip and pulled Kaidan to the side. "Don't tell me you haven't been using your full potential before this!" Jesse hissed.

He looked in her eyes steadily, grinding his teeth. This wasn't the woman he knew, who was once a friend and lover. No, this was something fearsome, something that made a soldier snap to attention at her glare, calling out 'Yes, ma'am!' without question. He noted new scars on her face by Jesse's mouth, left eyebrow and on the opposite cheek by her right eye. It didn't detract from her handsome looks but it added to the veteran soldier's fierceness.

"No, ma'am, I haven't." Kaidan told Jesse straight, for anything other than a truthful answer would be the wrong thing to say in gaining the woman's confidence and trust.

She stared at him hard for a couple more minutes, never flinching or blinking at him. All Kaidan could do was straighten himself more and try not to stare back with any defiance or weakness. "We will talk about this later, Lieutenant."

"Yes, ma'am." Kaidan swallowed, hearing Jesse the Commander, not Jesse the fellow squad-mate from OTS.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Whiskey and Bourbon  
Author: CelticWolfwalker  
Game: Mass Effect  
characters/pairing: f!Shep/Kaidan  
Disclaimer: All ME references belong to Bioware. The author is taking some liberty with certain things regarding the story of Shepard and Kaidan. And that this author is nuts for taking on another story at this time! (blame ME and starting up a new femShep)

**Chapter 03**

1

Jesse closed her eyes, her jaw grinding as she tried to keep her temper from exploding at Kaidan. This wasn't the time or place to argue with the Lieutenant regarding his skills. Her eyes said it all to him and he knew she was angry. "Can I depend on you to use your abilities to the fullest, Lieutenant Alenko?"

She noted the slight narrowing of his eyes as he heard her call him by the formal title. "Yes, ma'am."

"Then do so." She started to turn away and rejoin Ashley so they could check the area for any survivors when Kaidan called.

"Jesse…"

Jesse spun around, eyebrow raised. "Do not call me that, Alenko. Not now, not here." Her mouth went into a hard line. Kaidan stiffened to attention and looked off to somewhere that wasn't her eyes. Giving a soft snort, she turned back around. "Fall in, Lieutenant."

"Yes, ma'am."

They went through the first portable lab and found nothing, then headed to the next. Kaidan went up to the door and brought out his omnitool to work at cracking the electronic lock on the door. Once the combination clicked, the door opened onto a couple of frightened scientists. Though, one of them seemed to have gone insane, babbling some nonsense about the end of the world and destruction for all. Jesse's fingers itched to put the man into a forced sleep. However, that wouldn't have done well to get cooperation from the friendlier and saner scientist.

What came next, was a blow to the gut and Jesse, they fought through more Geth to get to the truth about betrayal at the hands of another Spectre. The dockhand explained to them about what he was doing and had witnessed. This little shakedown and rescue mission was starting to become complicated and Jesse wanted to know what was going on. What was this Saren's agenda? Why did he shoot Nihlus? And, shit, Nihlus was dead! The Council wasn't going to be happy that her observer was dead under her watch. What a great way to ruin the chance to become the first human Spectre.

Jesse, Kaidan, and Ashley rushed to the tram that would take them to the spaceport where they would catch up with the Saren before he left Eden Prime with the beacon. However, Jesse seriously doubted that they would find Saren, considering that large claw-like ship had left planetside a few minutes before they arrived.

As they arrived at the spaceport, more Geth attempted to stop them, along with bombs they had set to blow up the port. Jesse looked down at the timer on the bomb counting down from four minutes. "Alenko, disarm the bomb, Williams and I will cover you."

He nodded and then squatted down in front of the first bomb, the haptic interface of his omnitool flaring to life on his arm. She kept half an eye on the man as his fingers deftly flew over his omnitool and to the bomb's interface. A group of Geth started to march forward, laying fire down on her and Ashley. Lifting her heavy pistol and activating her kinetic shields, she fired along with Ashley at the approaching enemy.

"Done! Let's get to the next one, Commander." Kaidan said tersely. "Across the gangway, to the left."

"Understood." Jesse nodded and fired a round aimed for the flashlight head of one Geth.

They rushed across the exposed gangway, dodging fire from the Geth and stopped at the next bomb. Kaidan wiped at his forehead and went fast to work on stopping the time. Jesse kept firing with her pistol and let loose a staccato of biotic flashes at the Geth. Growling low as they were becoming tenacious in meeting her biotics, her body started to flare. Kaidan turned his head a bit to see the bright flare of Jesse ramping up the dark energy for a charge.

Ashley concentrated on the oncoming enemy to pay much mind. Jesse focused her world to a cluster of two remaining Geth and let loose. The world became a blinding blur as her body propelled forth with speed and force, stopping as she met the target of her focus. The world rocked, the Geth fell down, and she quickly laid two shots in each head before the world stabilized around her. Ashley and Kaidan ran up to her, checking for more Geth and relaxed just a fraction.

"One more bomb, Alenko. Find it and take care of it so we don't wind up as barbeque on this pastoral planet." Jesse barked out, shaking her head of the afterglow of the biotic charge.

"Aye, ma'am." He jogged off around the corner of the last turn to the spaceport.

Ashley watched him go and then turned to her with a look on her face that was about to ask a question. "It's none of my business, ma'am, but is there something I should know about between you and the LT?"

"You're right, Chief, it's none of your business." Jesse said, her eyes looking ahead to the spaceport, wondering at what they would find waiting for them.

"Want me to scout ahead?"

"We are all going together, in case there is more of the walking dead hiding behind crates."

"Aye, ma'am." Ashley hitched up her rifle and took point, ready to go when Kaidan finished. He walked back around the barrier with a grim nod and wiped sweat from his forehead.

"Last bomb clear, Commander. We are clear to proceed to the spaceport."

Jesse nodded and motioned Kaidan to take rear guard. The squad walked carefully along the walkway down to the port, nerves wound up, and senses aware of any little noise in the sudden quiet. The telltale whine of an electric cry started and Ashley raised her rifle, coughing out a rapid burst of fire at a shambling husk. As the squad headed down, they repelled the onslaught of husks that used to be the spaceport workers and various maintenance people. Biotics flashed from both Jesse and Kaidan, when their biotics combined, it sent a devastating effect to the enemy in its way. The battle was quickly over, leaving the team once again breathing heavily from the firefight. Slowly, Jesse made her way to the object of interest that remained intact. The spire was pulsing with a green light among grooved channels, sending a shaft of the same green light into the air of Eden Prime. Whatever it was Saren was here for, he already gotten to it.

"Well, fuck." Jesse sighed, lowering her pistol and clapping it to her hip.

"That's the beacon?" Kaidan asked, continuing to walk cautiously up to it.

"Yeah," Ashley answered. "But it wasn't like that before. It wasn't active."

"It is now and Saren has whatever information that thing contained." Jesse frowned and then tapped her ear to activate her comm unit. "Normandy, the beacon is still here and ready to be transported. We have one casualty and need an SAR to search the colony for other survivors." Her eyes roamed around the blackened skies of the agrarian colony, shaking her head at the devastation, all for a stupid Prothean beacon. Then she noticed Kaidan seeming to struggle against something and she snapped into a sprint, pushing him away from the beacon that was pulling him toward it.

However, whatever was grasping at him caught her and Jesse couldn't resist the inexorable pull to the beacon.

**2**

Kaidan shook his head and looked over to Jesse, seeing her struggling with the force from the beacon. Then she didn't struggle as the thing pulled her up and her back arched rigidly. A lump formed in his throat as fear, desperation, and concern filled him for her. He rolled up from the ground and started to run toward her. "SHEPARD!" He yelled.

Something held him back from reaching her and Kaidan jerked hard. The Chief called out to him. "There's nothing you can do for her, LT, unless you want to harm her!"

"But…" He stammered, his eyes looking onto Jesse's stiff and silent screaming body hanging in midair. Kaidan watched helplessly as some unknown force from the flaring beacon held Jesse captive for a brief two minutes. The beacon flared brightly, exploded, and flung her away. Kaidan ripped out of Ashley's grip and went to her, gently turning over the prone form of Jesse.

Yanking off his gloves, Kaidan checked for a pulse and sighed in relief to feel a strong and steady beat at her neck. Somewhere to the side, Kaidan heard the whine of the Normandy come and prepare to land. Gathering Jesse to his chest, Kaidan stood up, grunting a little at the woman's muscular form and weight of the armor.

Captain Anderson met them at the end of the ramp. "How is she?" He asked Kaidan as the marine hurried aboard.

"Unconscious. Whatever the beacon did to her, must have put her into shock." Kaidan responded.

"Take her to medbay immediately." Anderson stood aside for Kaidan.

"Yes, sir." After a couple of steps, he stopped and looked at the Chief hanging back. "Captain, this is Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. She is the only survivor left of her squadron. She can show someone where Jenkin's body is at."

"We will take care of it, Lieutenant." Anderson nodded. Kaidan nodded and started toward medbay with Jesse clasped tightly to his chest.

**3**

"Over here, Kaidan." Doctor Chakwas told him as soon as he arrived through the door. He rushed over to the cleared bed for Jesse and proceeded to get her dead weight body out of the armor. "Is she responsive?"

"There is some rapid eye movement going on but she won't come around." Kaidan replied. His hands grasped at a boot and slipped it off, then took the other boot off. He laid the armor to the side and stepped aside for Chakwas to run some tests over Jesse. Jesse was the strongest woman he had ever known, a real hard ass. However, nothing ever got her down for long and Kaidan was optimistic that whatever forced this woman into this comatose state, it won't keep Jesse in it for long. When Chakwas asked for his help, considering he was a certified medic, Kaidan gladly did so. Despite their contentious past and the games they pushed at each other, Kaidan cared deeply for the woman. Damn, if only he hadn't let his curiosity get the better of him and investigate the active beacon! It was a dumb rookie move, knowing that the beacon could be potentially dangerous, especially if Saren had decided to set a bomb in the thing if the other bombs failed to detonate.

"Kaidan," Chakwas came up to him with sympathy. "Go clean up and get something to eat. There is nothing more we can do for now but wait for Shepard to wake up."

"I'll be back. I…someone needs to be here." He glanced over at Jesse's sleeping face, seeing the little twitches around her eyes and mouth as she dreamed. Turning his back on her, Kaidan walked out of the medbay and went about to getting out of the armor and showering.

After refreshing himself with a shower and hot coffee, Kaidan returned to the dim medbay and immediately went to Jesse's side. Dragging a stool over, he sat down at her bedside and took her limp hand between his. He ignored the look Chakwas gave him at the familiar gesture of a subordinate to his superior.

"Jesse…" Kaidan started, his voice cracking and then clearing. "I should have told you about my biotics. I was stupid. Stupid to hold back, stupid to go up to that beacon, only to have you push me aside like some errant child. Damn! This is my fault that you are laying here!"

Kaidan felt her fingers twitch in his hands, making him smile a little. Raising it to his lips, Kaidan laid a gentle kiss on Jesse's fingers. Then he freed one of his hands and went to brush a lock of hair from her eyes. "We are heading to the Citadel now, to return Nihlus' body and to let the Council know what transpired on Eden Prime. Anderson doesn't think this will go down well but we weren't at fault for this. Still….you know how politics are." He sighed deeply. "Damn it, Jess, wake up!"

She didn't. Jesse continued to lay there, eyes moving rapidly under her lids, fingers twitching in his hand. Kaidan sighed and sat there, not leaving her side. In a low soft voice, he would talk to her, hoping his words and voice would calm whatever Jesse was dreaming. He would regale stories about their OTC days, the fights they gone to and updating her on the fighters. Chakwas came over every hour to check Jesse's vitals but remained silent to Kaidan's intimacy to the Commander.

After a couple of hours, Kaidan's voice grew hoarse and he remained sitting there, holding Jesse's hand. He remembered the time they had spent the night together and he had kissed at the scar running at the corner of her lips. She had teased him about his own on his upper lip, asking about he got it. Kaidan had laughed at her then, saying it was silly thing.

"_Seriously, Alenko, tell me!" Jesse smiled, her finger tracing at the scar sensuously that he shivered in delight._

"_I busted my lip on a stair. Not a carpeted one or anything like that, but a hard, metal stair. Dad had surprised me one day when I was seven and took me to the spaceport to watch the shuttles and Alliance fighters flying in. I was so awed to see this that I missed the first step up to the observation platform. What was to be the best day of watching fighters, turned into a tear filled disaster. I didn't cry from pain but because I was going to miss an air show that was to happen that afternoon. The medic cleaned me up and glued the cut closed but my dad was always playing it safe with me at that age and took me to the emergency room."_

"_What happened?" Jesse asked as she tightened her leg around his hip, pulling him in closer to her body._

_Kaidan paused, getting that faraway look of looking back into time. "I got the scare of my life. I was so angry to miss the show that I threw a temper tantrum. With that tantrum, I made the floor shudder with a burst of raw biotics. People got so silent all of a sudden. I sobered quickly, forgetting about being upset. Dad…well…he took it in stride, apologized for my tantrum and rushed me out of the hospital."_

"_With all the advances in medicine, they couldn't heal that scar?"_

"_I thought you like men with scars, Jess." Kaidan chuckled low in his throat._

"_Well, I do, and it looks sexy on you."_

"_I'm glad you approve!" He nuzzled at her lips, teasing at Jesse's full lips with his teeth._

"_Well?"_

"_Dad wouldn't let me get it removed. It was reminder of what my little tantrum brought on."_

"_Awww, that's cute!" Jesse laughed softly._

"_Cute?" Kaidan pulled back to look at Jesse's light bourbon colored eyes. "You just said it was sexy!"_

"_It is that."_

"_I'm not cute." Kaidan mock growled and pressed into Jesse, half rolling her onto her back, nipping at her lips, chin and throat. Her laugh rang out, followed by a pleasurable moan._

**4**

The muffled sound of someone talking filtered into her head, becoming an almost annoying drone. She scrunched her eyes as the nightmare faded and reality slowly made its way to her consciousness. Jesse slowly opened her eyes, blinked at the light shining above her. The light dimmed immediately as a dark blur came close to her side. Her eyes fluttered opened again and the world slowly focused around her immediate sight. A strong, callused hand squeezed hers, making Jesse look over to the sharpening shape of Kaidan.

"Hey, trouble." She could hear immense relief in his voice.

"Hey, snoops." Jesse smiled wanly. "How long…"

"Fourteen hours. We are halfway to the Citadel."

Jesse shut her eyes and groaned quietly. "Oh, god. I thought that was part of the nightmare and we were still doing the maiden voyage."

"Nope. Anderson has informed Ambassador Udina as to what happened."

"Help me sit up." Jesse asked. She felt his arm under her shoulders provide support as she lifted her chest up from the medbay bed. The world spun for a moment while she did, making her temples give an instant pounding throb. "Oh, shit, this feels like when I was first implanted but ten times worse."

"Commander, here, this should take the edge off." Chakwas came over and pressed a hypospray to her neck. Immediate relief ran into her bloodstream, deadening the throbbing pain to a minor annoyance. "Can you tell us what happened? You are physically fine but seratonin levels were heightened above normal."

Jesse squeezed her eyes shut, afterimages of the horrific images of whatever plagued her mind waited for her. Slowly shaking her head and taking in a deep slow breath, she looked back up to the doctor. "It was some sort of nightmare…but…it felt so real, like someone was sending a warning. I don't know, it's all jumbled up and unclear."

"I shouldn't have gone up to the damn beacon! If I hadn't, you wouldn't…" Kaidan growled in self-recrimination.

"Hey, it's not your fault, Kaidan." Jesse looked at him over her shoulder. "You couldn't have known."

He looked back at her and gave a small smile and short nod. "Still…"

"It's done and over with." Jesse assured him.

"Well, you are awake and I know Captain Anderson was anxious about your condition." Chakwas commented and moved to her desk. No sooner had she approached it, the doors to medbay opened and Anderson strode through.

"Shepard! You are awake! Good, how are you feeling?"

"Like ten MAKO's had their turn running over me." Jesse chuckled and winced.

"At least you are up and with no injury. Lieutenant, please leave us." Anderson told Kaidan.

"Yes, sir." He turned his gaze to Jesse. "If you want to talk…"

"I'll see you in a little bit, Alenko." Jesse nodded.

He nodded and walked out of medbay. Jesse couldn't help but watch him leave, thinking to herself the man still filled out a marine uniform quite well and only gotten better over the years. Shaking her head and getting back to the task, she turned to look at Anderson. "So, what is going to happen?"

"You tell me. We will have a meeting with Ambassador Udina but I'm not sure of what to say."

"Is the beacon…?"

"Destroyed. We salvaged the remains the best we could but it is inert. Whatever was in it, it has been delivered and then exploded." Anderson shook his head.

"If only we gotten there sooner and met that bastard!" Jesse growled.

"Commander, you accomplished your mission. It isn't your fault that Saren had a head start on you, or that he was involved at all. He was always one to be a step ahead of everyone."

"You know him, sir?" Jesse stared at Anderson.

"You could say that. So, what did happen?"

Jesse related the mess of images and the dire feeling of distress and warning she had gotten from the experience of the Prothean beacon. Even after talking about it, her head felt extremely full of something important but when she tried to make sense of it, it made her dizzy. When Anderson mentioned telling the Council about her vision, dream, portent, whatever it was, Jesse snapped at him and immediately apologized. Politicians didn't want to hear about a soldier suffering from nightmares, and use that as basis to declare Saren a rogue Spectre. With such flimsy evidence, if it could be described as such, it was sure grounds for political suicide or a one-way ticket to rehabilitation.

"You are probably right but it should be mentioned in the debriefing." Anderson sighed. "Anyway, we got a few hours before we reach the Citadel. Go rest or grab something to eat before then."

"I think I had enough sleep for two days." Jesse chuckled. She slid off the bed and stretched. "Oh, Chief Williams, we could use her on the Normandy, sir. She's a good soldier and well, is a bit displaced from her squadron."

"Lieutenant Alenko has already requested her transfer to his detachment, citing the same recommendations." Anderson smiled.

Jesse nodded, quirking her lips into a lopsided smile. Kaidan always could anticipate certain decisions from her. Then again, he had an eye for talent, just as she did. "Good."

"I'll leave you be, Shepard." Anderson took his leave leaving Jesse to walk out of the medbay on her own.

**5**

It didn't take long to find Kaidan once she got a cup of coffee and then decided to grab a second one to take to the fellow marine. He was tinkering with something on the MAKO down in the shuttle bay, slash Armory, slash gym, and general hang out spot to wind down on the Normandy. She would know those legs sticking out from underneath the vehicle anywhere. Walking up to the indisposed man, coffee in both hands, Jesse reached Kaidan and gently kicked his booted foot.

The man scooted out from underneath the MAKO, greased hands and all, and sat up, looking up at Jesse. She held out a coffee to him with a half-smirk.

"Thanks." Kaidan said and took the proffered cup with a greased hand.

"You're welcome. How are you doing?" Jesse asked with rare concern and warmth. Kaidan was the only man, next to Sean, a former gang mate, that she ever let her vulnerability show.

Kaidan took a drink, set the cup aside, and reached for a rag to wipe his hands. "I'm holding up. I'm glad we got Jenkin's body but…I don't know if his folks survived the attack. There were survivors but we didn't have much time to take note of who and how many before leaving."

"I would have thought we would have left Jenkins on Eden Prime?" Jesse queried.

"Nah, it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted a military honors funeral and then spaced to join the stars he had itched to travel in."

"I'll make sure he gets his last wish." Jesse told Kiadan and then sat down next to Kaidan, leaning back on the MAKOs tire. "Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you down on Eden Prime."

"You don't need to apologize, Jesse. You are the commanding officer and you expect everyone in your squad to do his or her fullest potential on a mission. I'm sorry I failed you." He looked sideways at her. "I never told you about BAaT and why I swore never to use lethal force with my biotics." Kaidan sighed deeply and lay back against the MAKO next to Jesse.

"No, you didn't but then we didn't talk much about either of our past history back in OTS."

"Yeah, we didn't. But, now, this is different and you need to know why things happened the way they did down on Eden Prime." His eyes caught Jesse's and held them, serious and honest. There were no games, no teasing, none of the past seduction he would tempt Jesse with. It was something new and she was surprised to see this other layer to a complicated man. "You remember when I told you about how I got the scar on my lip?"

"I remember."

"After that incident, my dad was extremely worried about my awakened biotic talent. I would get a little upset, I tended to send little shockwaves out from me. Mother was frantic that she was going to lose me to some government program and would never see me again. I was so young but I remember the arguments so clearly on what to do with me. Biotics in humans was rare back then, only awakening in other children around my age. Some never survived that initial step. From what I learned later, mother was exposed to eezo when she was pregnant with me. There was a shuttle accident when her and father were going home from vacation. Many people were exposed to the eezo core of the shuttle that day." Kaidan looked off into the distance, reliving his childhood. "Dad was approached by a man from Conatix Industries regarding my burgeoning biotics a few months later. They were gathering other kids like me, wanting to help us control and refine our talent. Conatix saw us as the next step in human evolution."

"I remember the news reports, what I managed to see on the streets, when Conatix finally closed the doors after a few years from some incident. They were a bit controversial in some of their methods."

Kaidan chuckled. "In some things, yeah. Dad and mother argued and debated in sending me to the Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training. Mother fretted because it was so far away and they wouldn't be able to visit as often. However, dad was saying it was the best for me. I needed to be with kids like me, learn how to control my biotics. And it was being funded by the Alliance, which dad still had great respect for. If I had another episode like that first one, well, let's say dad didn't want the house to be destroyed or the neighborhood."

"Hey, nothing wrong with bringing the house down." Jesse grinned wickedly.

"Not in a respected neighborhood! Besides, you are talking about something else." Kaidan nudged Jesse and reached for his coffee, finishing the cup in one drink. He looked into the cup and grimaced.

"Don't worry about the coffee, we can get more. Please, continue, while you are in a chatty mood to talk about your past."

"Dad won the argument after a few months. So, on my tenth birthday, over many tears and crushing hugs, I was sent to BAaT, along with other kids my age. It was fun to ride in a shuttle and go to a space station, then onto a transport to Gagarin Station. The fun ended after we arrived onto that sterile and utilitarian station. There were Alliance soldiers as security and people in lab coats everywhere."

"It would have been frightening to a kid."

"To say the least." Kaidan snorted. "But kids adapt well to new situations and so we all did. The most painful part was being implanted to enhance and control the dark energy. The teachers helped us cope, making games to entertain and train us in control, dexterity, and fine manipulation."

"So, lot's of football or hockey, huh?"

Kaidan laughed. "Yeah. Hey, sports are great training for kids! Wore us out at the end of the day, too. As we grew older, it moved on to martial arts, and for the gentler kids, they found creative outlets for them. I found I loved tech and was taking apart old data pads, radios, and such."

"You were lucky to have an education like that." Jesse dropped her head.

"It wasn't bad for the first few years. I missed my folks like crazy, as we only got two breaks a year where we could visit family. Then, coming back from a short summer break in my sixteenth year, there was a change. The program started to gear up toward more military applications and to ready us for that, my class got a new teacher, a Turian commander."

"Oh?" Jesse looked hard at Kaidan, seeing his jaw flex with controlled anger.

"Commander Vyrnnus, ex-military and a real bastard. A veteran of the First Contact war, disliked humans. I can understand the pressure now that Conatix had to speed up the training but…the choice of Vrynnus…" Kaidan shook his head.

"Go on."

"We were pushed, and pushed hard. There was little in the way of breaks. Everything had to be done biotically or not at all. Soon, we broke up in squads and were doing war games but the only weapon of choice was our biotics. There was this girl, sweet and gentle, she hated all these war games."

"A sweet girl, huh?" Jesse's eyebrow rose.

Kaidan looked at her and shook his head. "Hush. Rahna was her name, came from an influential and rich family. Her family lived in Singapore when that accident happened. Vyrnnus would have us do even the most mundane task with biotics but she was so tired and worn out, she reached for a glass of water with her hand."

"I take it that was a mistake?"

"Oh, yes, especially if old El Capitan happened to be patrolling close by. He rushed Rahna and took her arm, jerking from the table roughly. He screamed at her for not following protocol and had her do it again…with biotics, or else she wouldn't get her water. However, he yanked her arm too hard and broke it. I saw red when he had done that. Without thinking, I lashed out at Vyrnnus and unleashed a powerful biotic kick. I didn't realize that there was no control to it, using my anger to fuel the power to the kick. I don't think I realized what I had done until the red haze cleared up a few minutes later and the rush of teachers and Alliance soldiers were rushing past me."

"You killed him?" Jesse asked quietly.

Kaidan ground his teeth, laying his head back on the MAKO and closing his eyes for a moment. "Oh, yeah, snapped his neck clean. I was escorted to a holding cell soon after they checked on Vyrnnus' status until something could be decided on what to do with me. I was in that cell for a few hours before released to my room under guard. There were no charges against me, seeing I did it in defense of a fellow student. Of course, this was after hours of going over vid footage to be absolutely sure of the circumstances of my attack."

"Then what?"

"I was sent home. I tried to talk to Rahna before leaving Jump Zero but she wouldn't look me in the eye after what happened. It was like I turned into some kind of monster to her."

"This is why you didn't use your full potential until today?"

Kaidan looked to Jesse and nodded. "Yeah, I know what I am capable of and was hesitant to unleash that again."

"Kaidan, you are older and more experienced now, with better control. You need to get over this fear."

"Jesse, it isn't fear, it's just…well, I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"After Eden Prime, that can't hold you back anymore. You are lucky to still be serving and not in some padded cell because of that L2."

"I know."

"I know the specs on the L2, despite its instability. It was geared to be powerful but they had to dial it down on the L3 generation so the energy spikes wouldn't happen that drove people nuts."

"You do pretty well with the L3s, Jesse." Kaidan snorted.

"Well, I know my limits too. Our implants learn as we use them and grow as we grow. If we hamper ourselves, we hamper the effectiveness of the implants."

"Hey, I never asked you about your biotics. You are three years younger than me and well, your family…" He halted as Jesse was an orphan.

"It's alright, Kaidan. I got exposed to eezo in my teens when my gang ran along an Alliance shipyard. It was a thing for me, to go to the shipyards and see the flyers and fighters go out for maneuvers. Call it my secret, if you will. I wanted out of the Reds so bad and I saw the Alliance as the only way out." Jesse smirked a little, sharing a bit of her time in the Reds with Kaidan. "Two fighters were doing this complicated flying pattern and the one pilot clipped the wing of the other. Next thing you know, they exploded, the mass drive went outwards in the sky over the area. I never knew I got exposed until a couple weeks later I started getting sick and when I coughed, I glowed."

"Oh, you still glow during certain…"

"Lieutenant Alenko, you will keep that to yourself!" Jesse punched Kaidan in the shoulder with a smile.

"Ow!"

"You deserve it."

Kaidan chuckled. "All right, all right. I did call a cease fire on the games."

"I thought it was a truce?" Jesse arched an eyebrow.

"Did I say that?" Kaidan smirked and stood up from the floor, holding out a hand to Jesse to help her up.

He held on a little too long, Jesse thought, and his eyes hid unspoken words from her, which made her insides squirm. "So, are we good then?"

"Yes, ma'am. After what happened down on Eden Prime, I can't hesitate or hold back anymore. Those husks are tough sonsabitches."

Jesse paused as she watched the minute flickers of several emotions cross Kaidan's eyes and mouth. "I enjoyed this talk. I was stupid to not want to talk about the past but…"

"Hey, we were kids back then, for all intents and purposes, still running away from our pasts. I have come to terms with mine, though talking with you about it has been a good thing."

"Yeah, it has." Jesse smiled. "Ready for more coffee?"

"Hell, yeah! Plus, let's go and get to know our new Chief."


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Whiskey and Bourbon  
Author: CelticWolfwalker  
Game: Mass Effect  
characters/pairing: f!Shep/Kaidan  
Disclaimer: All ME references belong to Bioware. The author is taking some liberty with certain things regarding the story of Shepard and Kaidan. And that this author is nuts for taking on another story at this time! (blame ME and starting up a new femShep)

**Chapter 04**

**1**

Jesse, Kaidan, and Ashley stood outside the door to the human ambassador's office. Jesse licked at her lips, tugged on her shirt, and flicked some invisible piece of lint off. Kaidan knew she was apprehensive about this meeting. Besides relating what happened during the mission, the part of the images related to her from the destroyed beacon was going to be a hard sell to the ambassador. To be honest, if Kaidan was in Udina's situation, he would be hard pressed to believe Jesse's nightmares at her word. Jesse knew the politics, despite her dislike of it.

"Do you think he is going to believe us?" Ashley asked him quietly.

"Not likely. All we have is the mission briefing and our testimonies regarding Saren's involvement."

"I wish we knew more about this Spectre." Ashley grumbled.

Kaidan nodded and then prodded Jesse in the ribs. "You don't want to be late for the meeting."

"Shush, Alenko." Jesse told him but straightened her shoulders and entered the office.

The trio walked up to the two men talking in the middle of the office and saluted Anderson when they stopped in front of him. Anderson saluted back and told them to be at ease. Udina greeted them in his terse, perfunctory way, going straight into complaining about the mess of the mission and blaming Jesse for ruining humanity's chance at being a Spectre. Kaidan ground his jaw at this unfair treatment of Jesse, since she discovered the truth about Saren. Ashley softly snorted next to him but remained silent. Jesse remained calm though he could tell she was seething at Udina's words by the way her body stood rigid and the static hum was buzzing loudly in his ears from her amp. She gave testimony of the mission and touched lightly on the images received from the beacon before its destruction. Udina scowled at that and started pacing the office.

"It's a thin explanation, Commander, but we need to tell the Council everything that happened on Eden Prime. I never liked Saren from the couple of times I met him and this looks particularly damaging on the Council's favored Spectre."

"There isn't enough proof that he has gone rogue, Udina." Anderson calmly reasoned.

"True, but this is going to have to do. Anyway, I will set up an audience and contact you when they are ready to meet with you, Commander Shepard." With a curt nod, he left the office, leaving Anderson with Jesse and her squad.

"What an asshole." Jesse muttered.

"He isn't a likable man but he does get the job done." Anderson shook his head, a small smile twitching on his lips.

"I know I am responsible for all that has happened on the mission and my squad but to come down so hard for ruining humanity's chance at being a Spectre?" Jesse looked at Anderson with incredulity.

"He is under a lot of stress, Shepard. Don't worry too much about it. Ultimately, it is the Council's decision if this puts humanity back or not regarding gaining a Council Spectre. While we wait on an audience, go ahead and explore the Citadel. I will have Joker contact you when it is time."

"Are you sure, sir?"

"Yes. I have some things to wrap up before this meeting."

With that said, Jesse headed out, with Kaidan and Ashley following behind.

**2**

Walking along the concourse of the Presidium, Kaidan took in the lovely scene of the various offices and businesses that dotted the area in one fluid, continuous facility. There were a few breaks in between blocks for taxi stands and side parks. The Presidium had all sorts of alien races walking along the sidewalks and down by the paths of the lake, anything from the lumbering Elcor, to the graceful Asari. While taking this sight in, Kaidan also watched Jesse, who was trying to hide the awe in her expression. He walked up to her side, leaving Ashley behind them taking in the sights.

"Quite breath taking, isn't it?" He asked Jesse for her ears only.

"This beats even old town DC on Earth." Jesse's lips flicked with a smile. To think this is all in the middle of a nebula in space and yet, there is a sky above our heads, with what looks and feels like sunlight!"

Kaidan chuckled. "Yeah, I know. Amazing and a bit jarring when you think about the space part. And this is but the inner ring of the Citadel."

"Well, we have some time. Why don't we visit the Wards? I believe there is access to one of them from near the tower." Her eyes glittered as she looked forward to some new adventure.

"Why not." Kaidan smiled. Turning back to Ashley, he called to her. "Chief, want to do a bit of shopping?"

"There's more?" Ashley asked, her eyes open wide.

Kaidan laughed. "Yeah, this but a small part. We can go to one of the wards and grab something to eat while we wait for the call from Anderson."

"Now, I could do with something to eat!" Ashley grinned. "Will they have human food?"

Jesse smiled. "I'm sure they will. There is a sizable human population on the Citadel, so I'm sure some entrepreneur set up shop somewhere."

Having agreed to go down to the wards, the trio of Alliance soldiers left the Presidium. It was a bit of a walk, with a couple of elevator rides going down a few levels. Kaidan had to groan at the music as it seems that no matter where in the galaxy you were, elevator music was universal. As they reached the main shopping level of what is referred to as Zakera Ward. The Upper Ward provided most of the ready vendors to the embassy and visiting dignitaries of the Presidium. They walked across the pedway toward an observation deck and looked out to the immense vista of the Citadel's ward arms. An Asari dreadnaught happened to be slowly making its way from a docking area and out from the Citadel.

"Wow!" Ashley leaned on the railing of balcony. "I've heard about the Destiny Ascencion and seen vids but to see it in person flying by. It is huge!"

"Yeah, it is amazing." Kaidan was impressed by the Asari flagship as he stood next to Ashley. Jesse joined the other side of him, silent as she took in the vista.

"Here I thought we broke ground with the building of the Normandy." Jesse said.

"Oh, the Normandy is cutting edge and the best of both the Alliance and Turian fleet ships." Kaidan assured Jesse. "Though, seeing a view like this, it makes you realize just how insignificant we humans seem to be."

"We are the new kids on the block that is for sure." Ashley quipped.

"It's been thirty years though, and we still struggle to find a place in the galactic political scheme." Jesse murmured.

"Hey, we are doing well for ourselves, considering all that we have accomplished. We have the Normandy, a possible human Spectre…" Kaidan went on.

"Possible is the operative word. It isn't like we don't have things that others wouldn't like about humanity. We have great literature, artists, music, a thing called love."

"Put it that way, who wouldn't love you." He said sotto voce to Jesse.

Her eyes snapped to him, pinning him to the spot there on the observation balcony. Suddenly, he regretted mentioning that. Ashley's ears were sharp, for she snickered at Kaidan's statement but turned to look somewhere else when Jesse focused her eyes on the Chief. "I appreciate what you are saying, Lieutenant, but we are on duty, and this isn't the time or place for such…sentiment."

Kaidan felt his cheeks heat up as Jesse subtly shot down his compliment and opening for her if she had wanted to continue with what they had started back in OTS. Schooling his face into his duty mask, he nodded. "You are right, Commander. I'm sorry."

Jesse looked at Kaidan with an unreadable expression and walked away. Ashley grinned at him, however and leaned over to Kaidan. "Way to go, LT. That was a real subtle hint that you wouldn't mind doing more with the Commander than just follow her around as her squadmate."

"Chief, anyone ever tell you to shut it?" Kaidan said blandly. He like the Chief but her openness and blunt way left no room for subtlety.

"A lot, LT." Ashley smirked and quickly caught up with Jesse as she headed toward the vendors.

He tried to keep from grinding his teeth and followed the two women. His timing for that stunk, whereas, in the past, Jesse would have fired back with an equal play of words to stir him. Things have changed with her, as Jesse was more controlled and focused. Well, he would have to change his strategy then, and see what he could do to catch her off guard. Right now, Jesse was focused on this Council meeting and what happened on Eden Prime. Kaidan watched Jesse walk, admiring the confident and sultry sway of her hips in the tight Alliance uniform.

**3**

_Nice play, Alenko_. Jesse smirked inside. _So much for the cease-fire he instituted_, she thought. However, when she shot down his remark, Jesse knew Kaidan was embarrassed and peeved. The Chief was biting her own lips to keep from laughing but one look from Jesse quelled that in Ashley. Jesse like Ashley, seeing a fellow soldier with a similar sense of humor. Poor Kaidan, Jesse almost pitied him for the bad timing of his invitation. Any other time than their waiting on Anderson's call, Jesse would have stepped up to Kaidan's subtle play. However, she needed to remain focused on getting through this meeting and figuring out what will happen next.

They were about to go down the stairs to the lower ward when Jesse heard her name called. Turning her head, she noticed a plain looking man frantically waving at her. Kaidan looked at her and then at the man, seemingly curious as to what this was about. To be polite, Jesse walked up to the excited man.

"Commander Shepard! It really is you!" He gushed. "I'm a HUGE fan of yours, following your career since Akuze!"

"That's…nice." Jesse said blandly, sighing inside at the thought that she had a fan.

"Where are my manners! My name is Conrad Verner! I'm the president of the Commander Shepard Fan Club and when I heard you arrived on the Citadel, I had to find you! Can I get your autograph? I would love to have it for my collection! My wife will be so excited that I actually met THE Commander Shepard!" Conrad pulled out a small bound black book and opened it, then slipped a pen out from his utility shirt.

"Uh…" Jesse balked at the man's enthusiasm and adoration.

"Of course she will sign her autograph for you." Kaidan spoke up. "You know, all for the fans and morale." He smirked at Jesse as she gave him a scathing look.

Jesse grabbed the book and pen, hastily scrawling her rank and name in it for the fan. She was going to kill Kaidan for volunteering her for this. "Conrad, is it?"

"Uh huh! Can you add N7, too?" He pointed at the page below her name. Once that was done, she hastily handed the book back to Conrad and started to turn away. Kaidan stood before her though, arms crossed and jerking his head toward Conrad. "Uh, Commander, can I trouble you for one more thing? My wife won't quite believe me that I met you, the hero of Akuze, if I don't show her. Can I get a picture."

"Now, I don't…"

Kaidan interjected again, Ashley standing by and watching with surprise on her features at the LT. "Anything for a fan. You know, she should do a pose with her pistol out, like she is going to fire on an enemy."

"Alenko…" Jesse's stare withered at him but he smirked more.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful!" Conrad all but bounced up and down on his feet.

"Go on, Commander, your fan waits." Kaidan purred at her.

Under her breath, Jesse told him, "You are so dead, Kaidan."

He leaned into her ear. "Payback is a bitch."

Jesse sighed and loosened the curl in her hands, as she unclipped her pistol from her belt and got into a firing stance. Conrad held up a vid camera and took a couple of snapshots, babbling excitedly about how wonderful this was of her to do this for a fan. Then a thought struck her. "Hey, Conrad, did you know that I couldn't do my job without help? Lt. Alenko here is a major help on my missions."

"Eh?" Conrad cocked his head and looked at Kaidan.

"You wouldn't!" He hissed quietly.

Jesse grinned slowly. "How about a picture of two biotics preparing for an attack?"

"Oh, that sounds awesome!" Conrad beamed.

Ashley laughed off to the side, watching Kaidan's face close down into a deadly serious look. Jesse smiled at him. "Come on, LT, strike a pose. You know the one, where we did that combo…?"

"Yeah." He said in a deadpan voice and widened his stance at Jesse's back, arm outstretched and body flaring dark blue with energy. Jesse added to it, sidling up to Kaidan's body, purposely dialing up her amp to buzz along with his frequency. She heard him hiss through tight lips and chuckled, posing still for Conrad as he snapped a few more shots. With the last shot taken, they released their energy but both got a shock as the energy combine for a split second and reverberated along their nerves in a meld of combined dark energy.

Kaidan's hand shook a little as he lifted it up to smooth back his hair. Jesse was a little shaken and surprised at what happened. It wasn't unpleasant, just unexpected and if she allowed herself to admit it, highly arousing.

"Thanks, Commander! I will definitely keep an eye out for your squad!" Conrad chirped and quickly left the soldiers.

"Yeah, you do that." Jesse said shakily. Shaking out her hands and trying to get her amp and body under control, Jesse looked at the laughing Chief and an uncomfortable Kaidan. She couldn't even bring herself to return the earlier smirk he gave her.

"Well," Jesse started and then her comm went off with incoming call from Joker. "it's time." She finished after the brief message.


End file.
